Zack's Personal Vendetta
by FallenAngel Kit
Summary: Zack hates paperwork. So, he decides to be a smartass when he does it, all the time. Read about what he does, and Sephiroth's reactions! Features other characters paperwork as well. Such as Reno, Tseng, Cissnei/Shuriken, and Sephiroth himself.
1. The Evil Begins

**A new fanfic for Crisis Core: Final Fantasy VII. Randomness shalt be involved. Normal Universe, as according to the unproven law of Cliched fanfictions, every five normal fics I write, twenty two AUs are made. Sad. This Fic is pretty much Zack being a smartass with his paperwork. A very big smartass. By totally screwing up his paperwork. And handing it in. I own the game Crisis Core, but not the characters. Zack/Cissnei pairing, but not mentioned much, so filed under "Zack". I don't own the essay, Peter Nguyen does. Type in "Jimmy McPerson" on google and click on anything, you'll get the normal essay, not the Final Fantasy VII'ified version.  


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**Zack grinned. Today he had no paperwork! Huzah! He wandered around the SOLDIER floor, unknowing that.... "Where do you think you're going?" Zack stopped, and turned around. It was Sephiroth. Zack grinned nervously. "Erm, out?" Sephiroth laughed. "Nope, you're going to do paperwork." Zack groaned. He stalked of to his office of D00M to do paperwork.

Zack's Paperwork 1:

Currently, the temperature is lowering in Costa De Sol. Why?

Zack's answer:

Well, we can assume that the temperature is rising with the amount of people in Costa de Sol. But, less people are there, as we are at work. And as Cissnei said to me the first time I asked her out, "When Costa De Sol freezes over, then Zack, I will sleep with you," and considering that I slept with her last night, we can assume that is the reason the temperature is lowering, to freeze itself over.

Zack's Paperwork 2:

We are testing the reasoning of all SOLDIER 1sts. If the ball is going down a thirty-two and a half degree hill angle, and it accelerates by fifteen point one zero seven six two eight inches per minute, and the hill is five hundred feet long, how long will it take the ball to reach the bottom?

Zack's Answer:

It won't, there is an elephant in the way.

Zack's Paperwork 3:

Write an essay about a hero and who you think is the most influential person of the Second Wutai War.

Zack's Essay:

My hero from WWII is Jimmy McPerson. Jimmy McPerson isn't a well sung hero. He isn't in any history books, not many people have heard of him. Some might argue that he wasn't even a documented citizen. But what can't be denied is that he helped Midgar during it's most troubled time: The 2nd Wutai War. And it can be said, without a doubt, he definetely existed.

Young Jimmy knew from the beginning that he was destined for greatness. Born to a young black slave couple, Jimmy grew up in Sector 5, IE: The Slums. Like all young black youths, Jimmy joined a gang in order to get his "props". He and the rest of his unnamed gang in The Slums ran the streets with an iron fist. Times were good. Or were they? Times were indeed good. Until the Wutai performed a sneak attack on young Jimmy's town, killing his parents instantly. Jimmy swore revenge on all the Wutai, and promised to avenge the death of his parents, who were on the verge of curing cancer. Jimmy couldn't join the army, because Marten Lutor Kang Senior wasn't born yet and blacks couldn't join the military. So Jimmy formed a plan. A deadly plan. For REVENGE! Using a new name, Jimmy snuck into the Wutai base in Koketchka, and fought off countless stupid privates and sergeants, until he came face to face with the president of Wutai. "President Maximoto, you're going to pay!" Jimmy said, but little did he know that right behind him was Hitler! "Now you must fight us both!" Jimmy fought valiantly, but he was no match for Hitler and Maximoto, who wanted desperately to have buttsex with him, just like Reno does with Sephiroth. With his dying charge, he pushed Hitler out of a window, falling with him to his death, sacrificing himself in the process while avoiding getting raped. Jimmy McPerson probably saved the world, but since he used a fake name to do battle with China, his story was never released to the Midgarian public. Thus, Jimmy's efforts will go passed by, unnoticed by time and history. And that's why Jimmy McPerson was my choice for the most influential person and a hero from the Second Wutai War. The End.

Zack grinned and went to turn in his paperwork.

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**Good? Bad? Tell me what you think, as next chapter is Sephy's reaction!  
**


	2. Turning in the Work

**Fallen: Wow, two reviews in one day... YAYNESS! And 106 views in one day.... O.O  
**

**Zack: CURSE YOU PEOPLE! You made him write more...**

**Fallen: Che. Just cause you're gettin' hurt a lot in this fic don't mean ya will in my next one... **

**Zack: HA! Wait, _next_ one?**

**Fallen: -nods- I gets lotsa views writing FF: VII fanfics, and Its fun!**

**Zack: -groans-**

**Fallen: I do not own FF: VII. I do own a copy of Crisis Core though!

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**Zack whistled as he walked down the hall towards the room of dark destruction... The paperwork room. Ah, how everyone hated it. As he walked in, he watched the people, who all looked bored as

hell. He turned in his paperwork, and ran like hell. Why? Because of this:

WARNING! WARNING! ILLEGAL PAPERWORK DETECTED! LOCKDOWN IN: 5... 4... 3... 2...

Everybody ran for the door. Zack was outside of it.

1.... LOCKDOWN COMMENCING. PEOPLE WHO ATTEMPT TO LEAVE WILL BE SHOT.

Zack smiled as the doors are locked shut with steel. He turns to leave, and bumps into Sephiroth. "What did you do?" Zack looked nervous. And ran. Sephy, being the uber awesome person he is,

caught him. Zack decided that he was royally screwed. "Erm... Turned in some paperwork?" Sephiroth dragged Zack unceremoniously before the door, blasted it open, and read the paperwork Zacky

turned in. Zack looked nervous at the look of pure hatred that appeared on Sephy's face.

"What. Is. This?"

"My paperwork?"

"I'm giving you ten seconds. Ten. Nine."

"Seph, I can explain..."

"Eight. Seven. Six."

"Fuck this, I'm running."

Zack ran like hell

Two hours later....

Cissnei walked into the hospital room. "Zaaaaaaaaaaaaaack, it's time to get up!" Zack groaned. He had just broken three ribs, both his arms, his leg, and possibly cracked his skull, and his girlfriend told him to get up now? "What time is it Ciss?" Cissnei grinned. "Six in the mornin'!" Zack bolted, winced and sank back down. "And why in the name of **Gaia** did you wake me up at Six AM?" Cissnei shrugged. "Sephy told me too!" Zack groaned.

"I hate him."

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**Fallen: End chapter two. Next, we're gonna watch Reno do paperwork!**

**Reno: Whaaaaaaa?**

**Zack: Oh, this'll be good.**

**Cissnei: Fallen takes full responsibility for Reno's suffering, and gives a cookie to whomever is glad of it.**

**Reno: Whaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaat?**

**Zack: -laughs-  
**


	3. Reno, That Lazy Bastard

**Fallen: AND WE'RE BACK!**

**Cissnei: V is in the lead, oh but Coco is coming up on him! Coco closing in, getting closer...**

**Reno: -walks in- Are you guys having turtle races again?**

**Fallen: -casts Invisibility on the turtles- Nooooooooooooo?**

**Reno: -sighs-**

**Fallen: I take full responsibility for Reno's pain!**

**Cissnei: HEY! We agreed I get half the credit!**

**Fallen: Fiiiiiiiiiiiine....**

**Reno: -is scared-**

**Cissnei: Fall doesn't own Final Fantasy VII.  
**

**

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**Reno groaned. He hated paperwork. He heard his phone jingle a tune. He opened it, and saw a message.

It said:

Zack:

Hey Reno! We're going to the Crucible. Ya know, the fire ballet. Wanna come? Oh wait, you can't. YOU HAVE PAPERWORK! XD

Reno threw the phone down onto the desk. He sighed. "Why me?"

Meanwhile, at the Crucible.

Cissnei, Sephy, Zack, and Cloud are all there. Reno ain't. He has paperwork. Sucker! They go to watch Dracul: Prince of Fire.

Meanwhile, at work.

"I don't suppose, that you sexy, would do my paperwork?" Reno was talking to a secretary. She 'hmphed!' and walked off. Reno decides to play video games. Of course, I do not like Reno. So, as he opens up Halo 3, his phone rings.

"Yo, sup?"

"This is Tsang. What are you doing?"

"Oh, just finishing up some paperwork."

"Funny, I didn't know Microsoft Word made Halo 3 sound effects."

"That? Oh, that's Rude. TURN THAT SHIT DOWN RUDE!" As Reno yells this, he rapidly presses the volume down key.

"There, Rude says he sorry."

"Reno, you're under surveillance. We can see you."

"Erm... Bye."

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Of course, Reno got his ass kicked. Why? Doing Paperwork is important. Sometimes. Rarely. Eh, fuck you all.

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**Reno: You hate me.**

**Fallen: Not that much.**

**Reno: YES THAT MUCH!**

**Cissnei: Reno did not get enough pain.**

**Fallen: Sooooooo? Wait why am I writing this? Nobody reads this shit. REVERT TO BLAH TALK!**

**Cissnei: Blah, blah blah.**

**Zack: Blah blah blah! BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH!**

**Fallen: *snickers* Blah.**

**Reno: *throws something at Zack* BLAH! BLAH BLAH BLAH!**

**Fallen: Blah blah blah. Now back to normal. I do not own FFVII: Crisis Core. Or FFVII. Or Dirge of Cerberus. This is the only disclaimer I'm putting. I'm lazy. Next up... CLOUD!  
**


End file.
